I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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