Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
