Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
