Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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