I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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