so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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