did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
