take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize