At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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