somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
