don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
