Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
