in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
