Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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