She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
