Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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