There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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