Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
