I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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