pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize