I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
