Me too!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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