Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
