the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
