Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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