yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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