I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Fuck appropriateness.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
