Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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