I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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