you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
