i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
