Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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