capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
