You're so nebulous sometimes
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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