After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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