kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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