dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
