I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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