I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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