He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
