Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
