Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
