My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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