Barsexuality is the new black.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
