You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
