i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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