Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
