I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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