Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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