Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
