Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
