i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The uberlube is also flammable
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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