Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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