K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
