I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Vodka?
Forever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
