i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
