Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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