i was born a porn star she said
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
