3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
