It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
