Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
