she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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