Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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