Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
