Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize