In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
