I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
