The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im holly from the hills drunk
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
