my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
