I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize